A few years ago before I became a Life Skills teacher, I went with the high school Life Skills class as a sponsor for the Special Olympics Summer Games. My friend Bonnie was the head coach and needed some extra help. If you've never attended a Special Olympics event, I highly recommend it. There is nothing like it. A couple of weeks ago, at Bonnie's behest, I volunteered to work part of the Special Olympics Bowling competition. I was feeling pretty low that day and had considered backing out, but I followed through and was so glad I did. It really lifted my spirits.
One of the things I love most about Special Olympics is the Athlete Oath: "Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt." One of the guys in the group I was overseeing had "Being brave in the attempt" on the back of his t-shirt. It is an amazing experience to watch people with disabilities give their all in athletic endeavors. They are so focused and determined and the joy on their faces when they achieve their goal . . . I find myself envying them. I see how much the athletes struggle just to roll a bowling ball. They don't care about what they look like, they just want to make the strike.
It humbles me.
I'm struggling with some things at the moment, primarily depression and sleep issues. Those things affect how I perceive my world, my life. I am frustrated over the things I've always longed for and don't have. I'm wrestling with my weight because the doctor told me I need to lose quite a bit by May. I'm weary of the thoughts in my head that keep assaulting what I know is the truth. I'm tired of being afraid and everything seeming so hard . . . and then I spend time with Special Olympic athletes.
No matter how hard I may have to fight in my own life, I will never have to fight as hard as they. Do they want to win every game they play? Maybe, but in being brave in the attempt they can be proud of themselves for not letting their struggles and limitations hold them back. I let everything hold me back. And then there is that oath, that oath that sounds more like a prayer: "Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt." Of all the words that I could use to describe myself, "brave" does not make the list.
I know that I cannot heal from things if I don't put in the work. I know that I will never have the things that I want if I never try. Perhaps I am not meant to be healed. Perhaps the things I want were never intended for me. Here is what I know: By the grace of God through the blood of Christ I have already won. But I still have to be here until He calls me home, so here is my prayer:
"Father, let me live--REALLY live as though I have already won.
But if I stumble while living, help me be brave in the attempt."
6 comments:
Lisa ... I really like that prayer, and the attitude that it promotes.
I have been where you are and have walked the same road you are currently walking. I wore different shoes and saw through different eyes, but much of the emotion is the same.
I would not wish this on my worst enemy ... so it is difficult to watch a friend go through it.
But you have a much better attitude than I ever did. My attitude was one of defeat and self-pity. The fact that you can write like you do about the help God offers, puts you in a good place.
My prayers are with you and I will pray your prayer with you and for you. "Father, let Lisa live--REALLY live as though she has already won.
But if she stumbles while living, help her be brave in the attempt."
Thank you, Paige. I can't tell you what that means to me. Thank you.
Lisa, I think you underestimate yourself. For before me I see one of the bravest women I know.
You shoulder the weight of your friends burdens with such grace, and never complain that you are already carrying your own.
You are the apple of His eye. He dances over you with singing. When God looks at you He doesn't say "What is it now?" He looks at you and smiles deeply--pleased with what He has created.
I know you are going to get through this time because God is guiding you, and you are seeking Him, you are dwelling with Him. I am praying that your spirit finds rest.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the most High will REST in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1
Love you my friend.
Thank you, precious Elaine!!!
Lisa, it has been a long time since I checked your blog. I was glad to see you had posted something.
I do not really know what all you are going through, but I know that our heavenly Father knows,
and I know He cares for you.
And I like the prayer too, and I will say it for you and remember you in my prayers. If it is the depression, then I can tell you I have been through that, and am happy to be on the other side.
Whatever it is you are facing right now, please always remember that you have a friend in me, and I am a pretty good listener, and I care too.
Together, with the Lord's help, we can get through this.
Celia
Thank you, Celia. I really appreciate it!
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